Tuesday, April 6, 2021

Irreverent Irrelevance: Losing Weight


For just over half of the pandemic lock down - dating back to last March - I've sorta kinda, kinda sorta tried to keep my weight in check.  See, I had packed on some pounds at the end of 2019 and - thanks to all you idiots who don't keep emergency stores in your house - the pandemic made getting groceries a rather difficult proposition.

So, I decided to kill two birds with one stone.  I ordered Nutrisystem.  I figured, fuck it, two months of food delivered right to the house and I get slim and sexy again.

Well... slim, at least.

But, that's not what happened.  See, when I started Nutrisystem during the initial stages of the lock down... well... that's when I realized that I eat a lot when I'm bored.  Which, do the math (or the logic) (or whatever)... resulted in my ass getting kinda fat.  Even though I had lost about 20 pounds by mid-May (about 9 kg for you weirdo types using S.I.), I had put on about 20 pounds by mid-July (about 9 kg for you weirdo types using S.I.).

Then I lost about 10 pounds by September.  And put them back on by October.

At which point, I said... and perhaps even said aloud... "Fuck it."

So, I ate.  And I ate.  And drank.  Whiskey.  Wine.  Whatever.  Ate and drank all that shit.  All the bad shit.  Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.  And now I have to hold my breath to tie my shoes again.  I'm back to not being about to do more than ten pull-ups.  My push-up count is so low as to be embarrassing.  And, sure, some of that is because I haven't properly exercised in over a year, but a lot of that is because I weigh quite a bit more than I did.  My face is rotund.  I'm rotund.

Long story short, what with the lock downs and restrictions slowly lifting, I need to slim down and sexy up.

Well... slim down, at least.  How else am I going to find a wife to fall in love with?  I ain't rich.  I ain't charming.  I ain't smart.  If I don't look sorta good, I'm hopeless.

Anyway, starting tomorrow (Tuesday, 5 April 2021), I'm back on Nutrisystem.

As of this writing, I weigh comfortably over 200 pounds (91-ish kg).  My goal over the next eight to twelve weeks is to lose over 30 pounds (let's say 14 kg for you freaks of the world).

Can I do it?  Yes.  Will I do it?  I hope so.

Then I'll just need to learn how to sexy up.

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