Thursday, April 30, 2009

Questions & Ridiculous Answers

Holy cow. I haven't written anything here in over a month, and I hadn't even noticed.

Anyway, for those of you who care, April was rather... er... interesting, and I'm sure I'll write about it sometime in the near future.

In the meantime, I recently started a sort of irreverent Q&A column over at a website I peruse often, and I figured to bridge the gap between my MySpace visits, I'd post one of the more popular ones here. In fact, if any of you feel game, just send me a question and label it "Q&A."

For your (hopeful) enjoyment:

Question: "I have heard that men are from Mars and women from Venus. Is there any truth to that?"

Answer: "There is truth in everything. Even the Chicago Sun-Times. I recall reading Roger Ebert's review of Mission to Mars in that particular newspaper. Wasn't that a horrible movie? That one, and Red Planet, killed my love for martian movies. And there weren't even any aliens in either of them. Well, okay, there were, but space spiders and holograms don't count in my book. Lots of things don't count in my book, actually, like "Venus" being slang for female genitalia. I think that's bullshit a bit, because Mars isn't slang for a penis. If this were a fair world we lived in, Mars should definitely mean penis. Or, at least, Venus shouldn't mean vagina. Elaborating a bit, Venus is poisonously toxic, temperately hot, dense and full of hot air, prone to eruption, and otherwise inhospitable. And so is the planet."