Thursday, August 30, 2007

Choosing Something to Write

I've been wasting a lot of time in front of the computer lately. See, I walk into this little so-called office of mine, turn this 7-year-old laptop on (which takes 6 to 10 minutes to fully boot Windows XP - it was designed for Windows Me), sit down in my chair, and open up Final Draft. And then... fucking nothing.

Or rather, then... play a sudoku game or two, some online spades, work on some World War II research (long story), check my bank balances, pay some bills, and generally avoid the one thing I should be doing: writing a fucking script.

In my twisted little mind, I need three complete, kick-ass, ready-to-go scripts in order to secure an agent who's worth a little more than a shit. Although I have quite a few finished (drafts, anyway), I only have two complete, kick-ass, ALMOST ready-to-go scripts. I need a third, and therein lies the fucking problem.

I don't know what to write? My first script is a military/sci-fi/thriller. Okay, fine. My second script is a spy-thriller. Okay, fine. And most of my current options for number three are all thrillers? Not fine. And even if it were, how do I differentiate it enough to justify it's worth in fucking writing?

There's a private-dick thriller. Maybe. There's a spy/military/sci-fi/thriller. Hmm... maybe not. There's a horror-thriller. Possibly. There's a coming-of-age (sort of) drama... only I suck at writing those. There's a straight-up military thriller. Ugh. Noticing a fucking pattern?

So, people (the few of you who might read this), what do I write? Give me a fucking idea.

And vote for Clint-fucking-Eastwood.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Frogs, Turtles, and Why People Suck

Last week as I was heading to work up I-40, a tree frog appeared on my windshield, apparently having used my windshield wiper as a bed the night before. It stared at me, obviously confused as to why the wind was hurtling by. I understood in that way people sometimes claim to understand animals, and slowed down so it wouldn't fly off. The thought crossed my mind to turn around and go back home so the frog could return to its home, but it took a step up the windshield, caught the windshear, and flew into the pavement of the interstate. Don't know if it lived or if it was crushed by oncoming traffic, and it bothered me for a little while (but not too long).

Today, something involving a turtle happened. I believe it was a snapping turtle; it had a set of those big chompers. Anyway, it was crossing the road (a two-lane highway), so I stopped. It stopped on the double-yellow line, and I proceed forward. In the rearview mirror I could see it trying desperately to beat the following traffic, but, thankfully, it appeared to be moving fast enough to avoid an encounter with a tire.

And then it happened... some piece of shit in a GM SUV about a quarter of a mile behind me actually swerved TO HIT the turtle, which by then was no longer even on the road. I'm serious folks, had I had a weapon on me, I'd have pulled over and lit up that fucker as he (or she) drove by.

Later that day I drove that same highway and saw no evidence of a dead turtle, so I'm hoping it made it.

But seriously... people fucking suck. Then again, at least nobody tried to kill that wild turkey I saw in the middle of the road yesterday.

Have a nice day. And vote for Clint Eastwood... who, I'm sure, would have let the turtle cross safely.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Ten Commandments: an Irreverent Analysis

And there they were, Ten Commandments issued by the Holy God himself (or herself, or itself, depending on your personal interpretations).

Not sure why, but I decided to read them the other day, only to receive a few different copies of the Commandments, with variations based on religion. Hmm... Sure, there are obvious similiarities between the "varied" commandments, but support the idea that there's only ONE "true" God, these different versions do not.

Anyway, for sake of argument, lets use the popular Protestant version usually found in the United States.

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Hmm... this sounds like the ONE "true" God is acknowledging the presence of other gods, doesn't it? Yeah, he/she/it could be stating that there are no other gods, but if that were the case, why isn't the commandment: THERE ARE NO OTHER GODS?

2. Thou shalt not make for thyself an idol.

Um, clear that one up for me? Like, an Oscar? Or a statue? Or Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson? I'm confused.

3. Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of thy God.

Okay... how about letting us know what the RIGHTFUL use of the name of thy God is?

4. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.

Well, it's a well-known fact that the Sabbath wasn't always on Sunday, so it appears as though nearly every single Judeo-Christian church threw this one out... never mind us agnostics.

5. Honor thy Mother and Father.

Okay, I can deal with this one.

6. Thou shalt not murder.

Murder what? Anything? Dogs, cats, cows, and pigs included? Plants? What the fuck are we supposed to eat? And I hope flies aren't in that list... I fucking hate flies. What kind of god would make an animal that eats shit and then shits on your food?

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

I'm down with this one, too.

8. Thou shalt not steal.


9. Thou shalt not bear false witness.

Does this mean lie? Or does it have to do with the whole religious "witness" meaning? Or both? As Homer Simpson so eloquently put it: "This book doesn't have any answers."

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

Okay, fine... but how about that stranger's wife across town?

As Yoda would say, blasphemous I am...

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

World War II: Pearl Harbor

Not too long ago (probably sometime in June or July), I had to listen to a rant by my roommate/landlord about how FDR knew the Japanese were going to bomb Pearl Harbor. This, of course, made FDR a complete rat bastard in the eyes of my roommate. However, while I can't lay claim to whether or not FDR was a rat bastard, I'm pretty certain that FDR had no clue that Pearl Harbor was the definitive target.

Oh, our government had to have been expecting something... there were too many rumors and warnings floating about... but I doubt he knew Pearl Harbor was about to be fucked all to Hell.

How do I know this?

Well, look at it this way: a little known fact about "The Day of Infamy" is that the Japanese didn't just attack one US territory (Hawaii was not a state at the time), they attacked THREE. 1) Hawaii, 2) Wake Island, 3) The Phillippines.

And in analyzing the supposed "reasons" that FDR "allowed" (I love quotations... can't help it) the bombing of Pearl Harbor, we actually come to the opposite conclusion.

Some say that FDR needed an American disaster in order to gain support for entering the war. As such, Pearl Harbor provided just such a disaster. Well, no. Pearl Harbor sucked, that's for sure, and in terms of loss of ships (permanent and temporary) it was a pretty bad hit (despite the fact that our aircraft carriers weren't there... I'll hit that point in a second), but in terms of disasters? I'd say, and most WW2 historians will probably agree with me, that the Philippines was a far worse disaster than Pearl Harbor ever was (Bataan Death March, anyone?). But, no, nobody is running around claiming FDR knew the Philippines were going be invaded, are they?

Some say the reason that the aircraft carriers weren't there is proof, PROOF I say, that FDR knew Pearl Harbor was going to be attacked. Well, no. At the time, the US had two major carrier bases in the Pacific: Pearl Harbor and San Diego, California. And, in fact, all three carriers in theater at the time were on SCHEDULED deployments (to Midway, coming back to Hawaii, to San Diego, etc.)... deployments that were scheduled long in advance of December 7th (or December 8th by the Japanese calendar). In addition, US naval doctrine (not to mention WORLD naval doctrine... with the possible exception of the Japanese) still held the aircraft carrier BELOW the battleship in terms of naval superiority. If this logic was to be followed, FDR would've probably had the battleships mysteriously deployed, not the aircraft carriers.

There are many, many more subtle reasons as to why the "Pearl Harbor conspiracy" is a load of bullshit, but I don't really feel like going into those at this time. The two above should more than convince anyone who doesn't think Elvis is still alive and Marilyn was killed by the Kennedy administration. And, if not, I'm sorry you'd rather darken an already dark world.

Have a nice day... and vote for Clint Eastwood (an Army veteran).

Monday, August 20, 2007

Overdue Randomness

It's been a while... and I officially have high-speed Internet (of my own) for the first time since March of 2006, so here I go...

I hate flies. I'm actually going to be blogging about flies in detail sometime soon, but just know that I hate them. Murderously. Obsessively. I hate them.

Moved in to a new house. Decent size. Three bedroom (but only 1.5 bath). However, I have no fucking furniture as I left it all on the West Coast, so the house seems enormous. I need a roommate, too.

Michael Vick's going down. Down, down, down. Don't know why this makes me smile, but it does. I guess I'm just evil. Then again... I also love dogs.

Anybody seen the conceptual drawings for the replacement to the space shuttle? It looks wickedly crazy, yet wickedly cool.

The Bourne Ultimatum is officially the only "Part III" this year that stood up to the first movie in its series. Hell, it's the only sequel, period, that stood up to the first movie in its series.

C'mon Padres... don't let me down.

C'mon Chargers... don't let me down.

Anybody play the boardgame "Axis & Allies?" I don't know why, but I've been recently hooked. What's strange about it is that I don't have the game... nor does anybody else I know out here. Okay, okay... I'm a World War II nut. Sue me.

Humidity sucks.

I want to borrow $8000. Any takers? I'll pay you back $8900 in 24 months or less.

Don't know if I mentioned this, but all three of my dogs have finally been reunited. It might be a temporary thing (as I'm only supposed to have two dogs here), but it's still a good thing nonetheless.

Boy, this is a worthless blog, ain't it?

Vote for Clint Eastwood.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Holy Snarkies!

So, the grand ominous quest to the land of Iowa, where the blond caucasians live and the soy and corn stink up the fog-ridden humid mornings was... I have no clue where I was going with that. Anyway, I went to Iowa with my favorite (sleeping with the) enemy, and had a great time. Stopped in Indiana, where the interstate construction never seems to cease... saw an old friend, one who was once fat, but is no longer, but sort of is... anyway, great to see him, his wife, his kid, and his bun-in-the-oven.

And then there was the opening at Fox Reality in Los Angeles. Well, not exactly for Fox Reality, but that's what it amounted to... couldn't take it for whatever reason, so I did the cool, non-Wilmington-film-industry-thing and gave the position to a friend of mine who happened to be moving from Wilmington to Los Angeles the day after I found out about the position. Oh, how nice of me... (Jon, if you're reading this, I drink for free FOR A YEAR when I finally make it back out there).

And that's how it works in California. People help each other get PA and runner jobs... unlike another faux film community I happen to have lived in, where those that fight for PA slots don't tell anybody else for fear of competition and for the simple fact that many of those fighting for those slots are just assholes.

But, bleh...

My favorite enemy looked absolutely stunning at the wedding in Iowa, by the way. So much so, a gas station attendant told her that she made his day. Well, buddy, she made mine, too... and I got to see her in a swimsuit that afternoon. Lick me.

Remind me not to drive over any bridges in Minnesota.

I've been combing my cats with a "furminator." Those work awesome. All pet owners MUST buy a furminator. Seriously.

Padres are in third place? What the fuck? When did the Diamondbacks suddenly start contending? Damn you, Tony Gwynn... unretire already.

And there I was, stuck in traffic on a hot, muggy, Sunday afternoon, when the sky blackened and lighting flew up from the Earth into the sky in what was clearly the strangest weather phenomenon in the last century. Okay, I just made that up, but I had you going, didn't I? Don't lie... you know I did.

By the way... if that person who hates "..." happens to be reading this (and she sometimes does), take this: ... ... ... ... ... ...

Oh, and when are you returning from France?

Right, okay... I'm making zero sense, but that's only because I have a lot to say, no way to say it, and my friend is in the kitchen slicing up chicken while my German Shepherd whines for my attention and my girlfriend ditches me for a mysterious entity codenamed "Andrea" and a cup of white chocolate hot chocolate from Starbucks.

Kick ass, right on, carpe diem, and all that other horseshit people say to egg each other on.

And vote for Clint Eastwood.