Wednesday, May 31, 2017

A Brief, Drunken Story of Short Pajamas, Part 1

You ever just sit there, staring at a blank screen, hoping that inspiration will strike in the form of, say, a beautiful naked brunette refilling your wine glass and rubbing your shoulders and hair while you contemplate the meaning of life for characters you haven't even written yet?


Well, I do.  All the fucking time.

A few years ago, writing came relatively easy.  I'd just sit down, write 1000 words, then get drunk (if I weren't drunk already).  It was all part of the pursuit of my dream.  Of my... art (bleh... I'm very loathe to label it as such).

But, lately, writing is fucking chore.  I seem to be out of ideas, unwilling to type random words, and just plain... tired.

I don't really know why I'm like this now, but I think I have an idea.  And that idea is Horizon Axis, LLC.

Let's back up a bit...

In late 2011, I had the ragingest raging stomachache for two fucking days.  Now, prior to that, I was having raging stomachaches, but those usually went away after a nap or a few hours of not eating.

But, December of 2011... this thing wasn't subsiding.  I was in so much pain, I had to crawl to my neighbor's house and ask for a ride to the nearest hospital (Sherman Oaks!).

Long-story short, my gall bladder got ripped out of me, and I slept on my then-virtual-publicist's couch in recovery for a few days.  Just me and Starbuck.  One of the Three Ninjas (yes, those guys) took care of my cats at home while I convalesced in Tara's living room.

Another long-story short, I realized that I needed to write a short film in which a child or a dog were killed.  And, so... "Dog" was born.

And then came seven more scripts and the uber-ambitious idea to film all eight short films in one year (that year being 2012).

Granted, we filmed three, but only one of those was one of the original eight scripts.

Still another long-story short, by the end of 2012, I was flat fucking broke.  From a series of indiscretions and other piss-poor decisions dating back to the end of 2002, my financial situation finally caught up to me.

So, I prepped for a career in Afghanistan as a contractor, kissed a beautiful French girl goodbye, and packed my truck.  A snowstorm in Reno - where I was going to drop my pets off - delayed my departure from Los Angeles a couple of days.  Days in which I got a few more kisses from a beautiful French girl and, more importantly, got a couple of phone calls from people I had served in the Army with.

One wanted to start a film company.  Another wanted to cover my rent to keep me out of a war zone.

You want to talk about friendship?  I honestly don't think your friends are as good as mine.  And if you want to talk about life-changing events, that was certainly a whopper.

So, Short Pajamas (oddly named... but that's another story) went from an April Fool's joke of 2012 to an actual thing.  Except the producer of I, Robot, along with my publicist (and a few others), recommended that I change the name of the company in order to better suit its needs (and to leave some former partners behind... but that's another story).

A story I had written, "The Horizon Axis," had since been renamed Anthropy as a screenplay... and my major investor liked the original name of the story, so... Horizon Axis, LLC, was born.

Even before the name change, people were pitching their projects to me.  Somehow, quite by accident, we had became a studio.  Small, independent, but a studio nonetheless.

And that's where this story starts.

I'm drinking Barefoot Merlot, however, so it's not going to end today.  Back soon.  All apologies for the brevity.

If you have any questions, ask in the comments.

*To be continued...

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Go West, Young Cats

I finished watching season one of Westworld on Saturday.  The original plan was to watch two episodes Friday, then four Saturday, then four Sunday.

As it happened, I finished the four episodes on Saturday earlier than I figured I would, so I watched episode seven.

Now, anybody who's seen the show knows that the shit really kicks off in episode seven.  So, what did I do?

Well, I finished the series.

Tonight, I'm on my way to HBO's Emmy screening.  The producers and a lot of the cast are going to be there (sadly, no Anthony Hopkins).

And I don't think these cats are impressed...

Oh, you know... just catching up on Westworld.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Irreview: Alien: Covenant

I rarely go to movies on opening weekends anymore.  But given that both Alien and Aliens are in my "Top 12 Greatest Movies Ever" list, I made an exception.

It sucked.  A lot of people say it's better than Prometheus (a movie I loathe), but I actually think that piece of shit is better than Alien: Covenant.

This is what I wrote on my Facebook page on May 21st:

"Dear 20th Century Fox:

Please remove Ridley Scott from consideration to direct any further Alien films. His desire to mushroom stamp the franchise with his ownership has made it a self-indulgent piece of shit worthy of George Lucas' own prequels.

Seriously... while many claim to like this film better than PROMETHEUS, I think it's just as bad. One or two really good set-pieces, and maybe (just maybe) a good non-Alien movie hidden in there somewhere... but this thing was a piece of shit. Stupid and half-realized characters, half-realized plot, unrealized motivations. Ugh. Just, ugh."

And I admit to taking much glee from analyzing the box office numbers.  It's clear that they adjusted budget and expectations on the relative failure that was Prometheus.  I don't think Fox has any choice now, other than to find a new director (or direction) for the series.

This is not and never was Ridley Scott's franchise.  Whatever credibility he had with Alien was lost with Prometheus.

"Dear Ridley Scott:

I hear Thelma & Louise needs a sequel.  Go ruin that instead."

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Pets of Instagram

I haven't seen these two patrolling together in a very, very long time.

Oh, you know... just catching up on Westworld.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Cape Fear Independent Film Festival

"Ananas Comosus" is having its United States premiere!

And in the town I began my film career in!

This ought to be good...

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Playlist, May 2017

April 23 - And when you finally conquer your dreams, you will have something worth crying over...


April 23 - This new treatment for ANTHROPY has me itching to work on revamping THEOREM, UMBRA, and DEI EX MACHINAE.

But first... deadline for THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU.

I need more booze.

April 25 - ... and not all those lost want to be found.

May 16 - I don't know that this is the "most beautiful music ever," but it's pretty fucking awesome.

May 19 - Beyond the Axis. Epicize.

May 21 - After the debacle of ALIEN: COVENANT, I really can't wait to get back to writing ANTHROPY.

I imagine I'll be back at it in a couple of days.

Semper Paratus. Essayons.

Monday, May 22, 2017


My sick cat decided to hop into bed with me this morning.

I guess I had morning breath, because he was a dick about things.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Pussy Selfie

This photo is causing a ruckus on my Facebook page for some reason.

I think it's cute.

Sue me... I'm still learning this Instagram shit.