Thursday, January 12, 2017

Collecting Random Thoughts from Over the Years, Irreviews Edition

So, I've been going through my blogs and noticing a lot of started-yet-unfinished posts, and I figured I'd do a little of end-of-year cleaning.

I'll label each heading with the title of the tentative blog entry.  You know, for posterity's sake.  And then I'll add some thoughts were I see fit.

Without further ado...

Screwed-Up Movies: Antichrist

Antichrist (2009)
Director: Lars von Trier
Writer(s): Lars von Trier
Starring: Willem Dafoe, Charlotte Gainsbourg
There are well-made, excellent films that make you sick to be alive. There are well-made, excellent films that make you sick to be human. And then there are well-made, excellent films that just make you sick. Antichrist is the latter.

Lars von Trier is one of the originators of the Dogme 95 movement.

The most disturbing movie ever made. Or, at least, the movie with the two most disturbing scenes ever filmed.

Added Thoughts: That last point about the two most disturbing scenes "ever filmed" (what I really mean is, "the two most-disturbing scenes that I've ever seen")... yeah, that still holds up.  The first time I tried to watch this movie, I had to stop.  It was well-over another year before I decided to finish it.  Thankfully, Mr. von Trier was kind enough not to attempt the third most-disturbing scene I've ever seen.

Anyway, I had intended for "Screw-Up Movies" to be a series, and this was to be the third one (you can read the first two here and here).  But then I stepped back from blogging and gave up on the idea.

Irreviews, 2011

Up until some point in 2011, I used to write quick reviews of every movie I watched, be it old, new, whatever.  I got tired of it, apparently, and simply stopped the reviews, but not before prepping a number of review posts.

Added Thought: I have a feeling I consolidated these somewhere once before.  I probably did, right here on this blog, but I guess I just didn't delete these aborted entries from the "draft" folder.

Anyway, the "Irreviews" were all supposed to have the same format.  It was as follows:

Title in Bold (year of release)
A quick description of the movie with a very condensed review.

Verdict: Either or "SEE it" or "SKIP it."  Occasionally I wrote something else, with perhaps a caveat or a conditional.

Added Thought: For the most part, if the information is complete, I've left it that way on purpose.  As I stated above, I'm lazy, so don't feel like looking that shit up.  And, fuck it... it's for archival sake.

Anyway, these were to be Issue VIII:

A Boy and His Dog (19 ) SEE it.
Audition (1999 ) SKIP it.
Breaker Morant (1980) SEE it. Great film.
Essex Boys (19 ) SEE it.
The Great Train Robbery (1979)
Known as The First Great Train Robbery everywhere else in the world,
Verdict: Genre fans, sure. Everyone else, SKIP it.
Hot Tub Time Machine (2010) SEE it.
The Krays (1990 ) Genre fans, sure. Everyone one, SKIP it.
Like Water for Chocolate (1992)Eh... women, SEE it. Men, SKIP it (unless with a woman).
Two Hands (1999) SEE it.
The Way Back (2010) It's good, but...

Issue IX:

Beowulf & Grendel (
The Coca-Cola Kid ( Verdict: SKIP it, unless you're in love with Greta Scacchi, which would be completely understandable.
The Cove (20) SEE it. And support it.
F/X (19) SEE it.
Let the Right One In (2008) SEE it.

Added Thought: I have no idea what happened to issues X, XI, and XII.  I must have combined them with something or posted them somewhere else.  I dunno.  Mystery, that.

Issue XIII:

The Debt (2010) Eh...
The Disappearance of Alice Creed ( SEE it.
Room in Rome (
It tries to hard to be a lesbian version of Before Sunrise.Verdict: SKIP it.
Tangled ( Hard to say this, but SKIP it.
Valhalla Rising ( Hmm...

Issue XIV:

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
Not quite Iron Man (or even Iron Man 2), but better than either of the Hulk films.Verdict: SEE it
The Captains (2011)
A bit self-indulgent on the part of William Shatner.Verdict: Star Trek fans, sure... everyone else... nah...
Croupier () SEE it.
Dark Portals: The Chronicles of Vidocq () Eh... SKIP it.
Isolation (2005)
Bit of a plot hole (just fly out... duh), but okay...Verdict: Sci-fi/horror fans, SEE it.
Monsters (2010)
Bit of a plot hole (just fly out... duh), but okay...
Verdict: Eh...

Added Thought: I'm not sure why Isolation has the same "irreview" as Monsters, but I can say that said "irreview" applies only to MonstersIsolation was something completely different (and I liked it... definitely see that one).

Also, at the end of the aborted blog entry for Issue XIV, there was a list of films apparently in the queue for future installments of Irreviews.  Alas...

The Fog
Cowboys vs. Aliens
The Burrowers
The Right Stuff
Black Hawk Down
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
No Looking Back
Bonnie and Clyde
50 Dead Men Walking
Presumed Innocent
Monkey Shines
The Square - brilliant
36th Precinct - excellent action, powerful performances
Dangerous Beauty - tried too hard
Red Hill - no clue what it was supposed to be... western/horror/wtf?
The Big Bang

Added Thought: The Square (the Australian film, not the documentary about Arab Spring) is so brilliant, I've since elevated it to my "All-Time Greats" list.

Book Irreviews: Issue III

Added Thought: There were also Irreviews about books.  Issue III was intended to cover:

The Outsiders, S.E. Hinton
Lines and Shadows, Joseph Wambaugh
Cloudstreet, Tim Winton
Grand Days, Frank Moorhouse

Added Thought: All very good books, by the way.

Irreviews: British Television: Issue III 

Added Thought: And, hey... I even did Irreviews about BRITISH television. How about that? They used the same format as for movies. Not sure why "Men Behaving Badly" didn't get a verdict... I think because I didn't watch enough of it.

The Comic Strip SKIP it.
Coupling SEE it.
Men Behaving Badly
The Office SEE it.
Rev. SEE it.
Whites SEE it.

Final Thought: And... that's about it.

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