Tuesday, September 6, 2011
And there you are, alone in the dark, alone with your thoughts. A glass of Merlot recalls what it once was to be grapes on a vine, underfoot, barefoot, the sand between your toes and saltwater for sex. The Sun rises anywhere, but it looks different everywhere. Have you seen the Southern Cross? Experience the world upside down and realize Dorothy had it right all along. All roads lead to Rome, all roads to home. Welcome back and au revoir.
"Are you happy?"
Answer a question with a question. Revel in your rhetoric, but know it won't change a thing.
Seals on the beach stare for moment, curious. It doesn't take long for them to become disinterested. They've learned the meaning of it all... we just are. It's reason enough for them to live, why isn't it enough for you? Nothing's behind the curtain because there is no curtain. It's all there to see, all there to touch, and when you see her, when you touch her, well... it's all you'll need to know. Good enough is good enough, because the pursuit of perfection takes you where everything else will take you, and you already know you can't take it with you.
Speak of disgusting things in French, it'll sound better. Play the piano, even if you can't play the piano. Touch a wild horse. Ride a horse. Watch a sport you don't know the rules to, and enjoy it. Fly across an ocean to look at a beautiful woman. See the stars under a different sky. Drive to Belize. Scream at the top of your lungs until it becomes a song. And dance. Never forget to dance. Never stop moving. Be confident; never comfortable. Sharks rule the oceans because they don't know what it is to be complacent. The kings of the jungle don't even live in jungles. It's easy to rule when your empire is far away. A far off place. We are all monarchs of our memories.
Laugh more often. The joke's on you. Cry more often. Woe is me. Ignore what everyone else wears, what everyone else drives. The road doesn't care. The landscape doesn't mind. Just go... While you're sitting down, thankful that you have a job, someone else has learned to live. No longer the race, but the rat. Nature provides. It's all so fucking hysterical, this irony. This belief that intelligence is responsible for intelligence. What, then, is learning? You are you who want to be... it's not anyone else's fault that your aspirations are so banal.
"What is it you do?"
Smile as they try to figure out whether to be jealous or to feel sorry for you.
"What do you want to do?"
"Don't really know. Don't really care."
In their confusion, they'll think you're confused.
Eat, sleep, fuck. Have another glass of wine. Play in the rain. Learn to cook. Want to know everything, knowing you're too small. Take everything at face value as long as it's not two-faced. Realize that the moral are only so because they fuck around. Know your enemies. They're probably friends. As long as you're willing to lie on any level, white or black, you're not to be trusted. Fiction only entertains. The truth will, as it's said, set you free. Break your God damned chains and accept that God is worthy of being damned. Who you listen to is up to you. Avoid indoctrination. Find North on your own, be it by star or by gravity. Fall from a plane, at least once. Breathe underwater. Humanity is unnatural. Live it.
What can I do and what have I done are the two most important things to ask. We are weak, we are frail. Imagination and memory are what sets us apart. A true church relishes instinct, it doesn't suppress it. You want to walk on water? Then spread the legs of the one you love and wake them up with an orgasm. You want a kingdom? Love her. You want power? Tell her you love her. You want glory? Show her. The rules of life change, and rules from yesterday no longer apply. Everything moves in one direction. It's called time. Accept it, and join in the progression. Grow old gracefully. Someone will remember you for the way you were, even if it's all a lie.
"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"Five years from now."
"Yes, where do you see yourself?"
"That was my answer."
Talk of everything and nothing. Worry only about what you can change. Tell the children of dead friends how good their fathers and mothers were. Forget that you weren't there to help. Screw the guilt before it screws you. You can't be everywhere at once. Omnipresence is a myth, as is omnipotence. Omniscience? The world is more than you'll ever know. It's more than anyone can ever know.
And there you are, alone in the dark, alone with your thoughts. A cup of coffee recalls what it once was to be beans on a tree, underhand, barehanded, the wind in your hair and blood for lust. The Moon disappears, but it'll be back. Have you seen the North Star? Stand on your own two feet and remember that wherever you've gone, you've been. The path not taken wasn't worth taking. Bonjour. Find what you're looking for.
* This is the first part of what will hopefully be a nine-part entry in the River of Mnemosyne challenge that's happening over at The ...
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