Thursday, June 30, 2011

Laughing Matters

One of my favorite lines in all of motion picture history is "Because it's all so fucking hilarious," spoken by Daniel Craig in Road to Perdition. Great movie, great line, and I've adopted it a bit in the way I look at the world. Partially because it's accurate, and partially because it makes "moving on" relatively easy.

But none of that is relevant to what I'm actually rambling about.

And... what am I rambling about?

When it comes to certain things, I hate being right. Not that I'm always right, or even often right, but when it comes to predicting certain people, figuring out motivations, causes, effects, and consequences... well, there's a handful of people I just seem to nail. Not a lot... I'm not psychologist, no oracle, not even a good excuse for a fortune cookie. But... for these few people, I seem to be.

Granted, most of this handful are wanton and willing train wrecks anyway, and will freely confess to their predictability, but it's this latest example of a "prediction" that's gonna bug me.

You see, I don't know the particular person in question as well as I do "the handful." But, this person is painfully easy to read. It's no great mystery, I assure you. I do know a person very close to the the one in question, and I know a few others who are intimate with the "question" (we'll just assign that nickname, shall we?) well enough.

In short, what the Question does really isn't any of my business.

Why is this an issue?

Because, I predicted a few months ago that the Question's significant other had, well, another "question." And, by complete accident, proof of that was recently established. So, now what? "Question's" friend (not really a friend, but we'll keep it simple), who is close to me, has a vested interest in Question's happiness. Another of Question's circle of people also has a vested interest in Question's happiness. They're going to want to know.

No-brainer, right? Well... no. There's the small matter that the Question held some added relevance to me in the past (how and what is also irrelevant).

Which leads to the predicament: if I rat, I'm an envious, vindictive asshole (which I'm not denying). If I don't rat, I'm a backstabbing, lying asshole (which I may or may not deny). Either way, I come out on the losing end of things.

So, I guess I'm going to have to do something I hate doing...

Lie about it.

What else can I say, but "I was wrong" with a smile? Mere days after the significant other had some "fun" with someone else, the significant other is going to party, laugh, have "fun" with, and probably tell the Question "I love you" at some point (some of those while my other friends are present, I'm sure). It's enough to make you gag, but you've gotta admit... it has the makings of a good joke.

It's all so fucking hilarious.

What would you do?


  1. Not an enviable position. A lie by omission perhaps. Is that worse than an outright lie or telling the truth? There are other people close, won't they find out and tell the 'Question' that they're being cheated on? And you're very, very often totally right.

  2. I can imagine that ‘being totally’ right even some of the time is a trajic flaw. Leaves no doubt, and no doubt is a hard place to be when it is not ‘so fucking hilarious’, but your just saying so. Try standing on the other side of the room, if the view will not change, try remembering all things must pass, yes? And often they pass faster, and in ways you had no idea, if left alone. My condolences for having to deal with human deficiency. -J
    (the–the sounds like your stuttering)

  3. tell the truth, dont gloat about it...if i found out you knew and did not tell me it would be worse...

  4. What about talking or writing to just the Question him/herself and telling them what you know?

  5. I'd want to know, were I the Question. Like Brian said, it would be worse if I found out later.
    But I've been in a similar situation to yours. Similar, but clearly not the same. My particular version of this "fucking hilarious" state of affairs is like this: the person I know and am close to in friendship, gleefully TOLD me of her "other", and asked me not to share with her spouse. I asked advice from a friend, who encouraged me to tell the spouse. I elected just to stay out of it, even though the spouse is also a friend, not just by being the spouse, if you will. Yes, even though I'd like to know, I didn't want to step into this inferno of fallout should the truth come out. Just chicken, I guess. Then, the unbelievable happened. This friend, who urged me to tell, told me of HER "other" and remarked that yes, keeping silent is good and that she'd given me wrong advice in the other situation. So here I am, I now know two friends who are cheating, and I'm just so sick of the whole lot of them. Where did integrity go? And what do those of who have some left (at least I hope I have some left) do? We're a dying breed. Perhaps we should band together...

  6. Wow, this gives "circuitous" a whole new dimension.

    Anyway, I think I'd be apt to just stay out of it. But another option not yet mentioned is to have a chat with Question's "Other." Recommend that said Other come clean with aforementioned Question before someone in Question's circle of friends and acquaintances, all of whom are in the know, do it for him/her.

    (Good grief, I can't believe I just wrote that paragraph...)

  7. Well, I'm a little confused, but my motto is to stay out of it unless directly asked. Just because you predict something doesn't mean you know. Just because you've been told something doesn't mean you know. Unless I have first hand knowledge...I don't know. If I do have such, and am directly asked, I won't lie, no matter what it makes me look like. The fact that so many people are so quick to attribute intentions to other people's words or actions is infuriating. WE DON'T KNOW. I guess that's the bottom line for me. Tricky though, given all that history.

  8. Don't you dare lie.