Thursday, March 24, 2011

Q & A: 20110324

Harnett-Hargrove asks: 'La Boheme' is opening here next week, are you offering your novel to burn on stage? Could be fun. Are you auctioning your hair to fund your travels? Is there really an overuse of ... going around? Why do you not answer the really important questions? -J

JeffScape answers: J, I've no doubt burning a novel on stage is a riot. After all, Hitler did it, and everyone thought he was the cool kid. Except for that silly mustache and vile propensity to commit genocide, which is an act most consider a vile propensity. As is repeating one's self. It's a bit rude, don't you think, having to point out something twice in case someone else didn't grasp it the first time? Can you imagine falling from a cliff and not grasping the ledge the first time? I'm not entirely certain, but I'm willing to bet one doesn't get a second chance in such a situation. Nope, I'm pretty sure everything just ends in a big splat. It certainly does for the bugs on my windshield. Who says washer fluid is worthless? Although the passenger wiper usually is. Why is it that aftermarket wipers never seem to fit the windshield properly? It's a conspiracy, I tell you. Probably perpetuated by the same asshole who came up with the 9/11 theory. Why can't I just have clean windows? Do we really need to bring suicide bombers into the equation? That just makes a mess.

Getting a haircut also makes a mess. But, they say one man's trash is another man's treasure. Although I'm pretty sure Gloria Steinem doesn't say that. Such a remark would be considered sexist. Or should it be genderist? Couldn't someone interpret sexism as prejudice against having an orgasm? Who would be prejudiced against having an orgasm? Oh, wait... never mind...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Really important questions are answered on a daily basis. For instance: should I piss before I brush my teeth in the morning? Or brush my teeth before I piss? Or, perhaps, I'll just piss in the sink while brushing my teeth, thereby saving time and water in a misguided attempt to be more environmentally conscious. You know, like those "tree-huggers" who claim to hate all things petroleum and artificial, yet sit there blogging their rhetoric on their plastic computers made from refined silicon in factories powered by coal. Who doesn't love a good hypocrite?

Hope this satisfactorily answer your questions. Perhaps others can lend further insight.


  1. shit, i am going to probably have to give up my green eath bumper sticker now...personally i dont keep my tooth brush in the bathroom ever since reading how much fecal matter clings to toothbrushes left in the bathroom and figure i was full of enough shit already...

  2. Well, that was certainly stream of conscio... er, something or another. I'm not totally sure you were conscious when you wrote it.

  3. Well, I would not presume to compare the Nazi’s burning of books to a few Parisian Bohemes (singing in Italian) burning published mss to keep warm ... (there they are again) but Okay.
    Your free association is coming along, skipping can be fun. Thanks for answers. -j

  4. hold on to your hair for the next oil spill. you can send it to yodude

  5. Bloody smartarse - I can't leave you alone for a minute!