Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Welcoming Predictions

Things I'm likely to be called within the next few days: dick, chook, sugar, dick, darling, honey, dick, funny boy, impudent pup, dick.

Things I'm predicting will be said in conversation within the next few days:
  • "You're whingeing." "No, you're whingeing." 
  • "How do you keep falling out of your chair?" "Fuck if I know." 
  • "Shit. I'm out of Chardy." "Sucks for you. I've got plenty of Merlot. Nyer."
  • "Your Pandora is too loud." "You're just jealous." 
  • "Why are you being a deek?" "You know how they say there's no such thing as a stupid question?  It's not true."
  • "Your cat just opened your cabinet again." "Yeah, it's kind of his thing."
  • "I'm not that drunk. Why?" "Your face is smashed up against the camera."
  • "No, didn't get slapped. All I saw were lazy gypsies." "You were probably being polite. Be yourself next time."
  • "I am not racist." "Make some fucking beads!"
  • "How ya going?" "G'day, g'day, g'day."
  • "Your accent sucks." "Make some fucking beads!"
  • "I did tell you she farts like a trooper, right?" "Just adds to the charm."
  • "It's just a big rock." "So's your whole country."
  • "Don't corrupt my boy." "His mother beat me to it."
  • "No, I didn't get you anything. You owe me money, deek." "No beads for you, then." 
  • "Yes, I'm sore, and I don't want to hear about how I had a year to prepare." "You had a year to prepare."
  • "You're whingeing." "Yeah? So?"
Welcome home.

11 comments:

  1. whingeing Jeff really -- more like whining
    -- this list of names and predictions strikes me like Pinocchio when he told a lie his nose kept growing...

    sorry could not resist == dare I hit the comment button...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jeff

    I forgot to comment on the name change very interesting Jeff --"antipodeans -- stuck in Europe" is that a predication or a new series of stories coming?

    I spied your comment on Lorenzo's blog, so I leave you funny comments, now I am going to have to live up to my name, this is going to be tough though for the content of the blog.

    I may just nominate you too..

    Cheers,
    Joanny

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jeff, could you please number the things you will be called and the conversations we will engage you in? That way we can just call out the number — should save us time when your predictions come true. Where exactly are the antipodes with respect to your current location? I just searched for mine on google and got the very northeastern most tip of New Zealand.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Four dicks in ten names! Isn't that too much for a mere coincidence? LOL

    ReplyDelete
  5. sound like an old married couple. nyer indeed

    ReplyDelete
  6. So, just the usual then, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  7. so which should you be called first...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Can I assume she is on her way home? "Europe breathes a sigh of relief"

    ReplyDelete
  9. Aww, you do listen! I do not whinge and you are a dick! But I love yous anyway . Internets a bit dodgy and we're changing providers over the next few days so . . despite the theft of my camera and my passport, being delayed, at 3 airports and the Australian Consulate in Paris being hopeless, we had a superb time. You can change your title back now.

    ReplyDelete

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