Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A Better Way to Kill Flies

I hate flies. Hate 'em. Despise them.

Okay, let me qualify that by adding "in the house" to the above.

Seriously, a long time ago, back in my Army days, a couple of flies got into my apartment and, like horny little flies tend to do, had a mating session. A few days later (by which I remained totally unaware of the fly porn going on in my abode) I awoke to a pretty nasty odor. The odor was so strong it, in fact, is what woke me up in the first place. Upon investigation (which took, oh, three seconds), I found a trail of maggots. A trail of hundreds of maggots. And I quickly learned that Raid and other fly-killing chemicals do not kill maggots.

So I swept, stomped, and spewed until all of the maggots I could find were in the dumpster in the parking lot.

A couple of days after that I awoke to the unmistakable sound of hundreds of flies buzzing. They were mainly on the sliding glass door, trying to get out into the backyard. Long-story short... out came the Raid, down went the flies. And I quickly learned that I hate the smell of Raid. I need not mention the health risk pesticides under pressure post towards humans.

So, using what I'd learned about other insects, I switched from Raid to degreasers. And natural degreasers, at that.

What I'm trying to say here is that, while Raid might be the best option for killing hundreds of flies at the same time, Clorox's "Green Works" is the best thing I've found to kill flies in small numbers. It's safer (for you and the environment), smells better, and allows you to spot-clean while killing pesky little winged insects at the same time. And since the chemical simply sticks to the fly's wings, making it too heavy to zip away, it gives "I love all life" environmentalist-types the option of picking the fly up and putting it outside.

Me? I just crush 'em. Because I hate flies.

11 comments:

  1. Wow I think I threw up a little in my mouth. It brought me back to the scene in Poltergeist, with the steak and chicken. I shall go to sleep and have horrid nightmares.

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  2. Yeah, sometimes biodiversity ain't all it's cracked up to be.

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  3. nice. did you get paid for this advertisement...smiles. i think you could turn this into a great docutisement. smiles. trail of maggots...nice.

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  4. of course all of this makes a fine metaphor as well...

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  5. sometimes at work i get so p-o'd when they keep bugging me that i get out the swatter and go on flykillingrampage. yeah, they suck. literally

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  6. Hate 'em, too. My dogs love to chase them, but they aren't the best fly hunters in the world.

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  7. My problem is fruit flies because we compost but I did find an environmental solution with fruit flies. Now, if someone could get rid of the mosquitos in my backyard, I'd be sooooooo happy!

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  8. not just flies..I hate all sorts of insects. Crickets are the worst...when I find one, I gather all my courage to throw old newspapers on it and keep on jumping until it's finally dead

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  9. remind me never to visit you around lunch time again.
    fly porn, ha!
    Your own little Amityville, how sweet!
    Except not the one where Ryan Reynolds runs around without his shirt on (not that there's anything wrong with that ; )

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  10. I hate flies too and could tell you a really ghastly story about a man I nursed about 15 years ago with a carbuncular cavity behind one of his ears that required packing every other day and how the flies thought his ear would be a nice place to reproduce .... but I'm not gonna go there because I don't want to make you throw up. Just grose!!

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  11. When you spoke of the smell, I thought you were going to find something dead. Flies love that kind of stuff. For myself, I'll take flies over cockroaches (the big, 2-inch-long, flying, hard-carapaced, Palmetto-bug kind of cockroach you find down south) any day.

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