You ever get sick of hearing and reading about how to behave in certain situations and places? I do, but mainly because most of what's out there is stuff people should know already. Yeah, I get that the average person is dumb, and half of the rest are dumber than that (thanks, George Carlin!), but come on... what happened to that "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" poster that used to be up everywhere?
Anyway, and I realize I'm a bit of a hypocrite, since I've written about behavior before, but... whoa... run-on sentence in the making. And I just made it worse, didn't I? Ah, well.
Without further ado and digression, here's the most useless etiquette protocol you will ever see:
1. Be aware that "irreverent" and "irrelevant" are not thrown around lightly here. If you want reverence and relevance, I can point you to better places to find them.
2. Don't comment without reading the piece. I hide stuff for skimmers to expose themselves with, at which point the information is shared with dozens of bloggers who like to laugh at such things. Yes, humor between bloggers really does get that banal. But we dig banal. We write about it enough, eh?
3. Point out grammatical and spelling errors. Don't assume it was an innocent mistake and, for fuck's sake, don't be "polite" and pretend you didn't notice it. That doesn't help anybody.
4. Feel free to be critical, but say what you mean. Don't hide behind vague and colorful language in futile attempts to appear congenial. It makes you look like an idiot.
5. If you leave a comment expecting an answer, make sure your email address is unhidden. This is not a bulletin board. But I do often take the time to reply via email ("noreply@blogger" comments typically get ignored).
6. By the same measure, if you have a question, ask it. The cliché concerning the word "assume" is only half true. You'll be the only ass in the room.
7. For those readers whose sensitivities lead them to believe that I'm writing for their enjoyment: you are not paying for my groceries. This place exists for me to do what I want. "Kiss my ass" and "Have a nice day" are equally common phrases here.
8. If you do want to pay for my groceries so I'll write for your enjoyment, email me for my mailing address and we'll work out a remuneration plan.
9. Don't insult the comments of others. I don't care what you think about anybody else, and most readers here don't, either. Go to their blog and leave a comment or send them an email if you have an issue with someone other than me.
10. Kiss my ass and have a nice day.
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