Friday, January 16, 2009

Organized Musings

Introduction

I have decided to organize my random musings. So there.

Television

NBC moving giving Leno their M-F 10 PM slot is going to be A) the end of NBC, or B) the end of network television. Option A will happen if the move is unsuccessful, forcing NBC to revert to "traditional" 10 PM shows, putting the network in a "catch up" position with ABC, CBS, and Fox. Option B will happen if the move is successful, and the rest of the Big Four nets follow suit, forcing audiences to cable channels in order to find quality scripted television.

Prison Break is going bye-bye, which is no surprise. Fox could've turned that show into something great, but instead decided to make it a reverse 24 of sorts, rather than the Kung Fu, The Fugitive, and The A-Team homage that it should've been.

Related to the NBC-Leno thing: Life and (likely) Chuck are screwed.

Battlestar Galactica is beginning its final run. Here's hoping that the nerd-critics finally realize what crap the show's been since part-way through its second season.

Sports

LaDanian Tomlinson is crying about taking a smaller role in the offense. Dude, I thought you were about "being classy." Support your team, take the role, extend your career, and shut the fuck up. All that stated, the mere fact that the Chargers are considering dumping him is ludicrous. That's the face of your team, you idiots.

The Padres allowed Trevor Hoffman to go to the Brewers. That was the face of your team, you idiots.

Speaking of the Brewers, will somebody PLEASE put them back in the American League? And get rid of interleague play while you're at it.

Politics

Obama's taking over soon. Meet the new boss, not much different than the old boss. Hah! Seriously, though, he's no fool... change will come slowly, yet steadily, but this overnight shit just ain't going to happen.

Supposedly the government has identified Mexico (along with Pakistan) as the state most likely to collapse within the next decade or so. I say we annex.

Music

Listen to Fascinoma (she's awesome).

U2's new album comes out shortly... here's hoping it's a great one.

Hollywood

Despite numbers showing otherwise, Hollywood is running around pretending it's in some sort of financial crisis, which is putting it in a financial crisis. How fucking stupid is that?

SAG is not going to strike. If it does, we will definitely see the ascension of AFTRA as the power actor's union in Hollywood. I'm going to assume that even SAG isn't dumb enough to let that happen, but nothing will surprise me.

Heath Ledger does not deserve an Academy Award. Yeah, it sucks he's dead, and I was certainly a fan, but his Joker (while excellent... outstandingly excellent) does not deserve an Academy Award.

Animals

One of my dogs has figured out how to circumvent an electric fence. I am very, very afraid.

So, the Bush Administration lifted some protections from certain groups of Grey Wolves. Almost immediately, Idaho and Montana started organizing wolf hunts. Does that seem ridiculous to anyone else?

MySpace

I'm glad to see that MySpace has finally fixed the blog clock. Seriously, why was that a problem in the first place?

Conclusion

'Til next time...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A Nod to Adverse Lightning

What a jacked-up season: disappointing and satisfying; a failure and a success.

It all started with that last-second loss to the Carolina Panthers in the opening game of the season, which was made worse by marking the final appearance of Shawne Merriman on the gridiron in 2008.

It continued in the second game of the season with that bungled Ed Hochuli (the ref with the massive arms) call that cost the Chargers a clear victory against the rival Denver Broncos.

Then, in game 5, the Miami Dolphins confused the Hell out of the Chargers defense with that overrated "wildcat" formation, which was followed in game 7 by a semi-whooping by the Buffalo Bills (a team that did not deserve to win).

Game 8 brought a long-distance trip to London, where the Chargers lost to their old quarterback, Drew Brees. It's never okay to lose, but if it were ever okay, it'd be okay for the Chargers to lose to Brees (what can I say, I'm a fan).

Game 10: The first 11-10 scoring game in NFL history, which was a loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Game 11: Last-minute loss to the Colts.

Game 12: Loss to the Atlanta Falcons, led by LaDanian Tomlinson's old backup, Michael Turner.

4-8 after 12 games. The Chargers were done. Out. Finished.

Well, maybe not.

After a typical ass-whooping of the Oakland Raiders, the Chargers beat the Kansas City Chiefs after being down by 11 points with less than a minute-and-a-half to play. Two more ass-whoopings, brought the team to 8-8. This, combined with Denver's history collapse, and the 8-8 Chargers went to the playoffs, where they beat the Indianapolis Colts in the Wild Card, but lost to the Steelers in the divisional round.

A season marred by Merriman's absence, performance-limiting injuries to LaDanian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates, a big question mark surrounding Philip Rivers' bad knee, and the firing of inept defensive coordinator, Ted Cottrell.

A season marked by the stupefyingly outstanding emergence of Darren Sproles, a return to form for Jamal Williams, the maturation of a wide receiver corps that is feared down to its fourth receiver (just for the record: Chris Chambers, Vincent Jackson, Malcolm Floyd, and Legedu Naanee), and the promotion of Ron Rivera to defensive coordinator

Can't say I'm happy with the season, but I sure am proud of it (well, as proud as one can be to something one is only peripherally related to).

Charger Musings

Even considering trading LaDanian Tomlinson is stupid, at best; foolish, at worse, and downright disrespectful to both Tomlinson and Chargers fans. I'd almost go as far to say that such an idea is worse than letting Leslie O'Neal and Junior Seau go, and if Philip Rivers hadn't developed so well, the decision to let Drew Brees go would be up here, too.

Speaking of Tomlinson, I propose we start referring to him as LDT, instead of LT, out of respect for Lawrence Taylor. Anyone with me?

Norv Turner is NOT the coach for this team. Yeah, he's made it into the playoffs both years, but that's more from Marty leftovers than anything Turner has done. Congratulate him, shake his hand, but send him on his way.

A.J. Smith's true colors will start showing this offseason or next offseason, and he will be revealed to be an egotist with no sense of deference to the fans of the Chargers, or respect for his players. Mark my words.

Now that Seau looks to be done for good, what say the Chargers give him a one-year contract and let him "finish" his career back in the uniform he belongs in? Or, better yet, hire him as a linebackers coach, now that the Chargers are short one given Rivera's promotion.

Merriman's last season as a Charger is reputed to be the upcoming 2009 season. Don't let that happen, A.J. Smith. Prove me wrong about you, just once.

Don't let Rivera leave for the Lions! I know he might want to, particularly since the Lions play the Bears twice a year, but don't let him go! OVERPAY HIM!

Friday, January 2, 2009

The First Day of English Class

A while ago, the world's hottest English teacher asked me how I would go about teaching an English class. I answered simply... I would berate the shit out of my students, starting on Day One.

The first thing I would do is make them read one of my old Grammar War blogs (this one). Naturally, I would expand and expound on the topic, but you get the point.

Well, in case you don't get the point: I will promptly inform each and every one of my students that the very language they claim to know and love is as Greek to them as, well, Greek. 'dey no English lyk 'dey no 'da bak uf 'der handz.

The second thing I would do is make each and every student write a book report on a venerable British classic: Where's Spot? That's right, assholes... you'll be doing a book report on "see spot run." And the caveat? Simple sentences only. Subject. Verb. Object. That's it. Anybody who breaks that rule fails miserably.

Why would I do this? Well, because I highly doubt many incoming Freshmen even know what a subject, verb, and object of a sentence actually is. Never mind a direct object, or a gerund, or even a fucking pronoun.

Day Two would only get worse and by then, hopefully, I'll be down to six or so students, earning the same pay for less work. Why teach 20 stress-inducing losers when I can whittle it down to a handful?

Oddly enough, there are supposedly a few teachers at a North Carolina community college that are going to attempt this method. We'll see, though, as public school teachers tend to be a cowardly lot when it comes to pushing envelopes.

The moral of this rant? Find out where this method is being used and sign the fuck up.

If you're not afraid, that is.

Irreview, Book Review: The Story of Earth

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