Nothing much ever comes of ice cream on a Winter day. And why not? What's with Winter, anyway? Why doesn't it have to be capitalized anymore? Fuck that, I'm going to spell it with a capital W anyway. Wonder Woman's got two capital Ws in it, but she's a proper noun. Why isn't Winter a proper noun? It's a season, right, season being the improper noun, because, you know, nouns that aren't proper must obviously be improper. I guess they're sort of rude. Rude like that guy who pointed out that, yes, a certain dress makes you look fat, or, no, your taste in music betrays your relative lack of independent thought. Thinking independently is important. After all, it's what keeps you from doing stupid things, unless you really are stupid, of course, in which case you're just screwed all the way around. Like a slut surrounded by a horny football team. Which is probably worse than a horny hockey team, although fights will be less likely to break out. Fights, in hockey, break out like acne on a budding teenager's face, in case you hadn't noticed, and it's hard not to notice your best friend sporting a profile that looks like a NASA rover image of the surface of the fourth planet. That would be Mars, if you're unaware, who was previously referred to as Ares by the Greeks, until the Romans whooped their asses. And, if certain historians are to be believed, the Romans probably did other things to the Greek's asses. Greece is in the Mediterranean, by the way, which translates into "Middle Earth," which was the setting of J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings series. But we've all seen the Peter Jackson movies, so I probably didn't need to mention that. Or did I? Is Latin good for anything other than being pretentious at parties? I'm not so sure. I get bored at parties and usually want to hide somewhere and fall asleep. Which is what I'm going to attempt to do now.
All aboard, tickets please, and have a nice day.