Thursday, May 14, 2009

What My Fortune Cookies Should Say

You ever notice that fortune cookies are becoming more and more lame these days? Even often to the point that they don't even give you true fortunes... just general bullshit philosophies that could apply to anybody, or nobody at all.

Anyway, I'm currently exhausted, but somehow the idea popped into my brain that I know what a fortunes should say... were fortune cookies actually prescient in some way.

"You're the last to know because you're the last to care."

"You will experience boredom because you're bored by everything."

"You dreams will come true because you don't sleep."

"What you learn in life will not help you in death."

"You will soon talk to someone who will annoy the piss out of you."

"Night lights only make it easier for the boogey man to see you."

"Don't wish upon a falling star. It's only a rock hurtling to its doom."

"You can have your cake and eat it too. It's called 'having cake.'"

"Faith and Hope are important to keep locked up safe. Just make sure the FBI can't see them through your windows."

"Ask a lot of questions. Just don't expect any answers."


  1. @JEAN: I figure I might qualify for some obscure guru tax write-off.

    Posted by JeffScape on May 16, 2009 - Saturday - 10:56 AM

  2. I'm infinitely jealous at how much more clever you are than I.

    Posted by Jessica Lynn on May 15, 2009 - Friday - 8:42 PM

  3. you should sell fortune cookies(or grenades with the fortune on the pin?) with those "fortunes" in them. Some extra money for those in between times?

    Posted by **JEAN** on May 15, 2009 - Friday - 6:38 AM