Friday, February 15, 2008

Things You Should Do Before March

I haven't been writing much lately, so I figured I'd cop out and do a stupid list.

Without further ado, here are 9 things (lists of 10 are just too cliche) you should do by the end of the month:

1. Buy a Jerzy Jung CD (check her MySpace page for details). She rocks... so listen to my MySpace song and drop her a few bucks for some good music.

2. Slap someone with a "Support our troops, bring them home" bumper sticker. It's an oxymoron. Troops are paid to fight, that's their job. Believe me, we'd much rather you send us more equipment than bring us home, even if we don't agree with the war we're fighting.

3. Tell the driver of the next Jesus fish-labeled automobile that cuts you off or doesn't use a turn signal that he or she is a hypocrite. When you receive a "huh?" look, you'll have your proof.

4. Recognize that the San Diego Charger Girls are the best cheerleaders in professional sports. Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders be damned.

5. Congratulate a WGA member on the new contract, then connect a right hook to the member's jaw for bringing an entire industry to a standstill.

6. Adopt a pet or donate to a no-kill shelter.

7. Learn to live without your Blackberry. You did it before... it's like riding a bike.

8. Write NBC some hate mail for ruining American Gladiators and canceling Journeyman. Write CBS some laugh mail for bringing back a so-so show and making it worse (Jericho).

9. Send me money.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Blue Wings

Irony, this one. Named after an airplane, she had never been on one until just after her 24th birthday. It wasn't that she didn't want to ride in one, it was just that she never had a realistic opportunity. Well, maybe there was a bit of fear involved. After all, two of her favorite celebrities, John Denver and JFK, Jr., met their demise due to airplanes. Then again, she wasn't planning on piloting an aircraft anytime soon. At any rate, she experienced her first flight, literally and, perhaps, figuratively.

He had discovered her in college. She was beautiful, quiet, with a smile that knew no equal. He was leaving the area soon, however, and saw no future with her. But, somehow, the winds of fate blew the way they always blew... unpredictably... and they wound up in the arms of each other.

He was alarmed a bit that she had never been on an aircraft. He had been flying since before he could speak, and the very thought of never having been in the air was alien to him. To her, the very thought of riding in the sky was equally alien. But, perhaps fearing his disapproval, she accompanied him on an airplane to Dallas, and she never looked back.

Also alarming was the fact that she seemed to be floating along in life, unsure of what she wanted to do, unsure of where she wanted to live, and nearly oblivious to the world outside of her circle. He had never lived in a proper circle, and the concept of being in one was yet another alien in the sky. To her credit, she accompanied him on her first extended voyage away from her home, and though she did often look back this time, it would ultimately be with a different set of eyes.

New places, new worlds, and a new sense of awareness became her. Suddenly, life at home revealed itself to be what it always ways... a dead end. Her wings, dormant for what seemed to be decades, finally started to sprout. Her career choices changed, and already the first in her family to graduate from a four-year college, she became the first in her family with a Master's degree. But her hunger didn't stop there... she earned a second Master's within a year of her first.

The little girl from the little town became a model, an actress, a marketer, an insurance rep, a college professor, a magazine columnist, and every door she opened merely led the way to more doors. Life, to be sure, is hers for the taking.

Her wings are full-grown now, and she no longer needs the nest she came from, nor the nest she lives in. Her sky, many shades of blue, is her new home... and, despite her accomplishments, despite the envy felt by nearly everyone who knows her, she has yet to stop flying. And likely never will.

He only hopes that she nevers flies away from him.