Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Namely Neologisms

Neologisms, for those who don't know, are "new words" created to, well, replace old words and phrases. For those who don't get it: neo = new; logo = word; hence, "neologisms," the "s" being an indicator for plural.

And, since I don't have anything better to do, here are eight neologisms that we should adopt into our vocabularies. Why? Because I fucking said so.

bin Laden
Function: verb
Replaces: taking a shit
Use: "Where have I been? Bin Laden."

Cruise control

Function: noun
Replaces: psychological examination
Use: "My boss recommended me for a Cruise control after I jumped up and down on couch, professing my love for a girl who reminds me of Sloth from The Goonies."

Janet tab
Function: noun
Replaces: pasty
Use: "It's a good thing that teeny-bopper was there to cover me after my boob popped out. All I had on was a Janet tab."

Juicers

Function: noun
Replaces: glove and knife
Use: "Yeah, I whacked my ex-wife. But I left my juicers at the scene. I hope I don't get caught."

Kate baby
Function: noun
Replaces: infant - specifically, an infant born solely to protect the sexuality of a parent still in the closet
Use: "You see that guy from Top Gun? I hear he's about to have another Kate baby."

Lewinsky
Function: verb
Replaces: blowjob - specifically, a blowjob received in an attempt for the giver to obtain a promotion or other special recognition
Use: "Yeah, she gave me a Lewinsky. And I almost got impeached for it. The bitch."

Rocket
Function: noun
Replaces: steroid - specifically, a steroid used to enhance athletic prowess
Use: "No, I never used Rockets when pitching in the Major Leagues."

Stevens tubes
Function: noun
Replaces: Internet
Use: "Oh, yeah. I travel through Stevens tubes all the time. I especially like Wikipedia."

And there you go... write Merriam-Webster today and get these words into our official lexicon.

2 comments:

  1. Had you any real grasp of English, you would've noticed the alphabetical order of the entry. "Janet Tab" was the last one I came up with, actually.

    And what's this "your Republican elected official" bullshit? Unless you've turned into Madonna since I saw you last, he's "our" elected official.

    Of course, true "introspection" would have revealed that to you already. ;)

    Give me a call, dickhead.

    Posted by JeffScape on August 29, 2008 - Friday - 12:11 AM

    ReplyDelete
  2. After "Janet tab" it seemed like you were just trying to fill up space. Stop while you're ahead.

    Betathanademocrat Wooda
    Function: all encompassing response to criticism of your Republican elected official
    Use: "Sure he's ran up the national debt, led two invasions that have ended in disaster, outed a CIA agent, taken more vacation than any other president, weakened our standing in the world, shredded the constitution, presided over a shrinking middle class and a growing povery rate, bungled the response to hurrican Katrina, can barely understand the English language much less understand other world views, appointed numerous unqualified officials...etc etc, but he still did Betathanademocrat Wooda.

    Posted by Introspective Prophesier on August 15, 2008 - Friday - 8:27 PM

    ReplyDelete

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