Oh, come on... you had to have seen this coming. Haven't you ever seen a movie that, maybe you liked it and maybe you didn't, definitely didn't deserve the accolades it got? Well, I have (usually once a week). Or a movie that you felt was so utterly stupid, it darkened your already dim view in humanity because everyone you know liked it? Yeah, don't get me started (new Star Wars trilogy... ahem).
And now, the list:
1. Bad Boys II - seriously, what the fuck was Jerry Bruckheimer thinking? I mean, this even before those two rather bland Pirates of the Carribean sequels. Better yet, what the fuck was Will Smith thinking? I get Martin Lawrence, struggling to find work and all, but c'mon, Smith. Stupid plot, over-the-top plot, weak plot, crap plot, shit plot. And TNT? Tactical Narcotics Team? Give me a fucking break. Cuba? Agh!
2. The Boondock Saints - a cult classic that has no business being a cult classic. Well, no, I take that back. I actually kind of like this movie, but it's no wonder it didn't get a theatrical release. Never mind the fact that writer/director Troy Duffy is apparently a putz, but the ending is quite possibly the worst ending a "cult classic" could have. I'd say "agh" again, but I did that already.
3. Brokeback Mountain - bad movie? No. Well-shot, well-acted, well-written movie? Yes. Good movie? Obviously. Great movie? Oh, HELL no. Sorry, but everyone with half-a-brain knows that the only reason this film got accolades was because of its subject matter. Yes, I get it. And, yes, I think a movie like this needed to be made. But it's no better a love story than, well, Love Story.
4. Flags of Our Fathers - eh, I'm actually on the fence with this one, but it certainly wasn't a very streamlined movie. Sure, war is chaos, but we still need a better character to latch on to than Ryan Phillippe's. And that ending? COME ON. Saving Private Ryan almost ruined itself with the "old-guy-in-the-future" schtick; Clint should've learned a lesson. Ah, well. At least he totally blew the top off with Letters from Iwo Jima. Now THAT was a great film.
5. The Lost World: Jurassic Park - um... um... Mr. Spielberg? Do I really need to get into this? Probably, seeing as how it grossed around $230 million the United States alone. People are idiots.
6. The Matrix - now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this movie. However, we all know that despite the fact that it broke technological ground in Hollywood, was a kick-ass action flick, and just all-around rocked, it was its so-called pop-culturization of philosophy that really made this film a hit. Yeah, right. Or so we all thought until the next two films came out... and proved the Wachowski brothers were merely high on the right combination of drugs when they wrote The Matrix.
7. Mission: Impossible 2 - hmm... does anyone else think that John Woo just really, really wanted to make a James Bond movie? And a really, really bad James Bond movie at that. Let's see... Anthony Hopkins as M? Check. Thandie Newton as wannabe Bond girl? Check. Tom Cruise as James Bond? Almost check. And that endo on the bike? Yikes. Too bad Tom Cruise went nuts prior to the third film being released (a decent film, I might add). People might still respect the franchise.
8. The Searchers - Steven Spielberg once mentioned that The Searchers is one of the films he watches before directing a movie. For fuck's sake, why? This movie sucks! Of all the great films John Wayne and John Ford did together, The Searchers enters the lexicon as their greatest? It sucks! Cliche after fucking cliche. And it sucked at it! It sucks! What is wrong with you people?
9. The Sixth Sense - I've often claimed that M. Night Shyamalan has only made one really good movie. And, dudes, this ain't it. You call that a twist? Maybe, had he not given it away in the first 10 minutes... oh, and in the fucking marketing. Sure, it wasn't bad, but ask yourself this: how many times have you watched it since the first time? Maybe once, after which you realized, "man, this movie ain't all that."
10. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith - Oh. my. fuck. By this time, George Lucas had so effectively trained everyone not to expect much, that even many critics were claiming that Revenge of the Sith is one of the better Star Wars movies. Um, not. Hayden Christensen sucks. George Lucas can't direct. The Jedi "cleansing" was anti-climactic. Hell, everything was anti-climactic. Luke and Leia's birth? I'm surprised I was still awake. I think everyone needs to come to their senses and just start pretending that Lucas quit with Return of the Jedi.
Oh, this list could be much, much longer, but the interest of my sanity, I shall stop.
Anyone feel like arguing?
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