Thursday, August 23, 2007

Ten Commandments: an Irreverent Analysis

And there they were, Ten Commandments issued by the Holy God himself (or herself, or itself, depending on your personal interpretations).

Not sure why, but I decided to read them the other day, only to receive a few different copies of the Commandments, with variations based on religion. Hmm... Sure, there are obvious similiarities between the "varied" commandments, but support the idea that there's only ONE "true" God, these different versions do not.

Anyway, for sake of argument, lets use the popular Protestant version usually found in the United States.

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Hmm... this sounds like the ONE "true" God is acknowledging the presence of other gods, doesn't it? Yeah, he/she/it could be stating that there are no other gods, but if that were the case, why isn't the commandment: THERE ARE NO OTHER GODS?

2. Thou shalt not make for thyself an idol.

Um, clear that one up for me? Like, an Oscar? Or a statue? Or Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson? I'm confused.

3. Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of thy God.

Okay... how about letting us know what the RIGHTFUL use of the name of thy God is?

4. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.

Well, it's a well-known fact that the Sabbath wasn't always on Sunday, so it appears as though nearly every single Judeo-Christian church threw this one out... never mind us agnostics.

5. Honor thy Mother and Father.

Okay, I can deal with this one.

6. Thou shalt not murder.

Murder what? Anything? Dogs, cats, cows, and pigs included? Plants? What the fuck are we supposed to eat? And I hope flies aren't in that list... I fucking hate flies. What kind of god would make an animal that eats shit and then shits on your food?

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

I'm down with this one, too.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

Okay.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness.

Does this mean lie? Or does it have to do with the whole religious "witness" meaning? Or both? As Homer Simpson so eloquently put it: "This book doesn't have any answers."

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

Okay, fine... but how about that stranger's wife across town?

As Yoda would say, blasphemous I am...

2 comments:

  1. I don't covet my neighbor's wife... she's kind of old and crusty looking. Come to think of it, I really don't covet anyone's wife. So basically this commandment must only be for men and lesbians. Us "straight and narrow" are perfectly fine to covet whatever man-meat walketh this wide wide world.

    ...although he didn't put too many here that are worth coveting. ;)

    Posted by Kristin on August 24, 2007 - Friday - 7:36 AM

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  2. "10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

    Okay, fine... but how about that stranger's wife across town?"


    No, we're *all* neighbors. The planet is only so big.... :)

    Posted by Geoffry on August 23, 2007 - Thursday - 6:40 PM

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